This is a tough one for me. I received a disturbing email from my daughter on Thursday telling me I would no longer hear from her. This news hit me like a piano falling on my head! What happened? What did I do? Those were my first thoughts. Then I started to cry.
In her email she told me she does not feel like part of the family, and I only care about her brother. Nothing can be further from the truth! I don’t know where this is coming from or what brought this on.
A little family background. I have two children; my biological son, and my adopted daughter.
I was such a proud father when my son was born two days before Christmas. What a great Christmas and life present. I was just as proud when a miracle happened and my wife and I received our daughter from her biological mother at, of all places a Howard Johnsons restaurant on January 14, 1981. She was just three days old. We were picked to be her parents and I was handed my little princess.
Now looking back I can see I was not the best father in the world. But, I was not the worst father either. My priorities were mixed up. I worked so many hours, 7 days a week for years. Yes I could be called a “workaholic”. I worked in different cities, from where my family lived. I worked to provide the best for my son and daughter. What I see now is I should have provided them with my time and attention, not material things.
My son went to college, married a wonderful woman and has given me two beautiful grandchildren whom I adore. My daughter has taken a different path. She started college and went on her own for six years without contacting me. Then out of the blue on my birthday in June 2007 I received a Happy Birthday call from her. What a wonderful gift! Wanting to respect her choices, I never asked where she was for those six years and she did not offer.
Both my children do not live near me. My traveling days are almost nonexistent, due to my compromised health, and associated medical costs. Since I cannot travel, I treasure my family phone conversations. My daughter and I talk about things we use to do together, our common likes and send each other lots of text messages. I also treasure my talks with my son, his wife and my granddaughter. My grandson is too young to talk
Somehow there was a major disconnect with my daughter. She feels ignored and unloved. I don’t know where this is coming from. I love my family, ALL of them equally. And although there are some things I can not fix because I was often absent in my children’s lives when they were young, my love for them will never falter.
Sadly, I will respect my daughter’s decision to go away. It breaks my heart, but she was taught to make her own decisions and I must respect this decision as well. I will miss her and our talks. My heart will ache and I will always wonder how she is doing. I will also accept any decision my son has to make toward me. I just need both of them to know, their dad is not perfect, but is trying to make progress, and that I love them both with all of my heart.
Now looking back I can see I was not the best father in the world. But, I was not the worst father either. My priorities were mixed up. I worked so many hours, 7 days a week for years. Yes I could be called a “workaholic”. I worked in different cities, from where my family lived. I worked to provide the best for my son and daughter. What I see now is I should have provided them with my time and attention, not material things.
My son went to college, married a wonderful woman and has given me two beautiful grandchildren whom I adore. My daughter has taken a different path. She started college and went on her own for six years without contacting me. Then out of the blue on my birthday in June 2007 I received a Happy Birthday call from her. What a wonderful gift! Wanting to respect her choices, I never asked where she was for those six years and she did not offer.
Both my children do not live near me. My traveling days are almost nonexistent, due to my compromised health, and associated medical costs. Since I cannot travel, I treasure my family phone conversations. My daughter and I talk about things we use to do together, our common likes and send each other lots of text messages. I also treasure my talks with my son, his wife and my granddaughter. My grandson is too young to talk
Somehow there was a major disconnect with my daughter. She feels ignored and unloved. I don’t know where this is coming from. I love my family, ALL of them equally. And although there are some things I can not fix because I was often absent in my children’s lives when they were young, my love for them will never falter.
Sadly, I will respect my daughter’s decision to go away. It breaks my heart, but she was taught to make her own decisions and I must respect this decision as well. I will miss her and our talks. My heart will ache and I will always wonder how she is doing. I will also accept any decision my son has to make toward me. I just need both of them to know, their dad is not perfect, but is trying to make progress, and that I love them both with all of my heart.
5 comments:
Vince, I am so very sorry your daughter has taken this stance. However, I feel you should put your feelings in one final letter. Pour everything out, just like you did here, and send it to her. What do you have to lose? Good luck;, and know that your friends are here to support and love you through this.
As long as I've known you I never knew your daughter was not your own biological child. That alone speaks to how much you love her. I know how heartbroken you were when she left the first time. She found her way back to you after all those years. On some level she knew that, even with your many imperfections, you were her dad. Time changes so many things. I pray that the years, along with life's experiences, will give her a different perspective and bring her back to you again.
i'm so sorry to hear that, but know that she will regret what she has done...we all regret things and sometimes we can repair relationships if we try...and you have been doing that. I know that one day she will come back and you will be waiting for her with open arms, how do i know, because i do!
Sorry to hear this, Vince. I too think you should try to communicate with her again, to clear things up. Send her a link to this blog, I think you've explained it all already. If that doesn't help, time will--she may need a little bit of time to grow up and understand...Good luck.
Post a Comment